In the Waiting
We live in a culture that demands instant gratification. We hate sitting in traffic, waiting in lines and waiting for our internet search to return the precise result we need. I’d like to be able to say I’m not like this, but I’m as impatient as the next person. I organize my life to circumvent waiting. I do my errands on week days, I subscribe to Amazon Prime, and I’m one of those people who go to restaurants at 5:00 pm; all so I won’t have to wait. And nothing in my experience has been more painful than waiting for God to answer prayer. Waiting on God is the hardest kind of waiting.
I am waiting for this pandemic to be over, waiting for many prayers to be answered, waiting for what’s next as I transition to a new church. Transition sounds positive, active, hopeful. In reality, waiting has involved grief, uncertainty, and fear. I have more questions than answers and don’t know what the future looks like. How fitting that I am in a season of waiting as I walk through this season of Lent, when we remember and wait to celebrate the Good News of the Easter story.
The disciples know all about waiting. When Jesus was crucified, they entered into the worst wait of their lives. It appeared that all their hopes and dreams ended on the cross. I can only imagine what they experienced. I can picture them gathered together behind a locked door. (see John 20:19) Drawn together by their wondering, their grief, their fear. Had they imagined it all? They had come to believe Jesus was the Messiah, the long-awaited Savior of the Jewish people. But now? How could they be certain? Crucifixion was not part of their plan. Jesus had warned them this was coming, but they didn’t understand him. Until now. They had no choice but to wait. I am struck by the fact that they waited together. The community that was formed in the years of following Jesus did not die with Jesus. The disciples were united in their grief and loss and their waiting.
This morning, I stood at the water’s edge at the local beach and watched and listened as the waves rolled and crashed. I stood right at the edge so I could feel the cold spray on my body and the biting wind on my face. The sky was grey but despite the cloud cover, hints of pink and mauve shone through the clouds. I breathed deeply and inhaled life. Jesus’s words to the woman at the well (John 4:10) came to mind.
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”
As I stood gazing on the beauty of creation before me, I was reminded of the gift I had received. Living Water. It wasn’t a past tense “received” but an ongoing, ever-present gift of “receiving” the Holy Spirit. God was with me in the waiting even as I waited on Him. In that moment just one of my questions were answered. “Lord, How do I get through this waiting?” I heard, “Worship. Worship in the waiting”.
As I reluctantly left the beach this morning, I accepted that there are still many unanswered questions and a future that is uncertain. I was reminded of the disciples who waited together and the community of believers who wait with me. I walked to my car filled with peace and hope. Worship had restored my peace and sense of community. So, I will worship in the waiting.